By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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