One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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