I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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