It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
