I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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