Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
