An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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