just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
