i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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