this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
