His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
