boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
