Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
