We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
