Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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