Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I want is dick and wine.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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