You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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