i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
