if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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