My sheets look like a crime scene.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize