im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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