I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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