im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am naked and annoyed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
