Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
try to milk me bitch
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