Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
