So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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