I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
