I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
