woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
