so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
