filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize