Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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