when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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