idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
