i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
