I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
