Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
