you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
