yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
