Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
