my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
