Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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