I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
