first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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