the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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