i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
