I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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