I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
