Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
