i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Randomize
