I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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