i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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