You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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