Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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