all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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