We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
