The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
