my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
