Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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