I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
