Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
