So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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