did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
