Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
