Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
