i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
