I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
