i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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