i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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